A Little Golf Wit from Uncle Bob

Uncle Bob Newland (L) and Jack McCullough of Franklin, Tenn (R) in 2001 at Caledonia Golf and Fish Club in Pawleys Island, South Carolina.

My Uncle Bob sent me some statements on golf. He must have noticed I have beem slacking a little and wanted to give me some material. That brings up a good point. If you see something worth reading, send it to me. That would make this a lot easier and probably more fun to read! Have a good day and thanks uncle Bob!


Many a truth is told in jest....Perspectives on Golf

Golf can be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins.

On top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

"I wish I could play my normal game...just once."

"Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. –Bob Hope

Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the inability to add correctly.

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they shoot a six, yell fore and write five.

Dr. Dramamine

Tiger bogeys 17 & 18 at Doral to claim his third victory of 2006. You'd be yucking it up too if everyone kept giving you victories with poor play down the stretch.

Nothing fancy over here in at goffshots HQ. I just have a fleeting feeling that someone needs to make a stand against world #1 Woods. J.B. Holmes put it best when he made being ranked #64 in the world his goal prior to the WGC match play last week. He wanted that spot to stalk Tiger. As Holmes put it, “I’m not afraid of anybody and I am not afraid of Tiger Woods.” It seems too many on Tour do fear the Tiger. Somebody needs to stand up and force Tiger to make birdie to win golf tournaments. Seems the world's best golfers are all leaning over the edge of Tiger's yacht, "the Privacy" and blowing chunks in Tiger's wake.

Let's look at some recent history:

2005 Masters: Dimarco shoots 41 on the back nine of his third round at Augusta (he averaged 33.5 over the other seven nines that week) and lets Tiger back into the Masters, not to mention Tiger's improbable chip on 17 from jail as Dimarco stood waiting to putt on the green. They went to a playoff and at least Woods made birdie to win, but since then...

2006 Buick Open: Two-time Masters champion Jose Maria Olazabal missed a 4-foot par putt to lose on the second playoff hole at Torrey Pines.

2006 Dubai: Three-time major winner Ernie Els hit a 4-iron that came up a yard short and into the water, made bogey and blew the playoff against Woods in Dubai.

2006 Ford at Doral: David Toms commits his first three jack of the tournament on the 72nd hole as Tiger watches him from the right hand rough. Toms makes bogey, and Tiger slaps it around to make bogey and win by one.

2005 WGC: Who can forget Daly last year at the WGC in San Francisco botching that little three footer as Woods covered his face.

Granted Tiger didn't want to win that way, but as he said after his bogey, bogey, finish Sunday at Doral, "A win is a win." I just wish someone would make him earn these events instead of vomiting all over themselves every time they are in contention with Eldrick. Get some Pepto Bismol and Dramamine and lets get some better finishes on the PGA Tour. If not Tiger will keep yucking it up as the chumps keep stumbling just enough to make victory easy for Mr. Woods.

Rich Beem chugged lots of Pepto at the 2003 PGA and danced the funky chicken as he held off Woods late charge. At least Pepto worked for the Beemer…